What are you saying, God?

About a year and a half ago, when I first came to the realization that our years as a homeschooling family were coming to an end the questions came to mind, “Lord, what’s next?”  “What will I spend my days doing?” “Am I supposed to find a job?” What are you saying, God?”  I knew that there would still be plenty of things to fill my days. I do still have six children, and maintaining our home, leading a women’s ministry, volunteering in the schools, helping them with what they need, etc. would still be a full time job even without homeschooling.
    I don’t adjust to change easily, honestly, I can be down right resistant and unlike my husband I don’t move on an idea quickly.  Unfortunately, I have said to my children before, “obedience with hesitancy isn’t obedience.”  OUCH!!! Now, I am saying those same words to myself.
    A few years before this, when some missionaries were sharing at our church, I felt like the Lord was nudging me to refresh the knowledge of Spanish that I had in college and increase my fluency  but I dismissed it and came up with several reasons why then was not the time, not to mention, why would I need to do that.  I have heard that sweet, gentle voice of the Lord remind me several times through the years of what he spoke to me about  but still have not taken the time  to start moving in that direction.  I wonder if my hesitancy is because I didn’t see the big picture.  I have never been on a Missions trip, not really ever even wanted to go. I don’t have Spanish speaking neighbors that I need to communicate with, Spanish teachers have been laid off in our local school system… I just could see NO reason to do this.  I wonder if Noah ever entertained these thoughts when God said, “Build a boat, it is going to rain.”  “It hasn’t ever rained, I don’t have any lumber, I can’t get save all the animals, I must have misunderstood you God.” OUCH, again!  I don’t want the flood to come and be left with no boat.
    I like to know the big picture but right now, I don’t!  All I know is that the nudging and leading of my Father, says, “Do what I said.” I have always told my children that,”because I said so,” IS reason enough to obey, that if I said it needed to be done, that I have good reasons for that and I need them to trust me, and that I don’t always explain the “why” to them…I know that is what My Father is saying, “I have GOOD reasons, TRUST Me!  He has been so good, and patient with me, even giving me little confirmations and glimpses along the way of what is ahead, NOW I will trust.

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