Today, as I reflect on the 12th birthday of Aidan Titus, our youngest son, who just happened to come in to the world minutes after I turned 31, I think of the man that he is becoming.
When we started this journey with him, I was in one of the most fragile years of my life. The year I turned 30, I was consumed with fear on so many levels. Rick went on a two week trip to the Philippines for the second time and for several weeks before the trip until the moment I picked him up from the airport I was convinced he would never come home…leaving me with four children under the age of 5. Soon after he got home, I was sick, constantly. I drove myself to the ER in the middle of the night one night. Now, consumed with fear that I might be the one leaving him with four small children. Within a few days, I had my gall bladder removed and then developed an infection in my pancreas, which lead to several major organs not functioning, a week in intensive care and four more in the hospital. As drugged up and out of it as I was, I believe the Lord allowed me to hear a conversation between one of my doctors and Rick in which he told Rick they had done all they could do. Within moments of hearing that, I also was reminded of a story from Genesis 50 and words from Joseph,
20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people[a] should be kept alive, as they are today. 21 So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.
I felt like the Lord himself was speaking these same words to me and that I could trust Him to bring me through and that I would live!!
Fast forward three months and I was taking A LOT of medications every day, some that doctors said I would need to take for the rest of my life and a narcotic that was helping me “deal” with continual pain and everything going on. Through an interesting turn of events, I realized I was pregnant and the fear all came back.
Afraid, that my body was too sick and frail and damaged to sustain its on life much less sustain, nourish, and grow a baby. Afraid, that this little person growing inside of me would be permanently affected because of the drugs I had been taking for the first several weeks of his growth. Fear, fear, every thought was wrapped in fear.
The Lord brought me comfort during the months of that pregnancy and regardless of the outcome of this child’s health, we would love him and be thankful for him, no matter what. This child that we hadn’t planned, that had so many things working against him, who disturbed MY plan of being finished having babies by age 30 arrived just a few minutes after I turned 31 and with him came a constant reminder to our family that God is faithful. He was healthy, he was whole, and he was exactly what and who our family needed. Even if the circumstances would have been different and Aidan would have not been well, he would have still been exactly who he was created to be and the right fit for our family!
Being the youngest of four boys, he gets picked on, teased, and made fun of. (I’d love to say that doesn’t happen in our house, but I’d be lying.) But he is strong, steadfast, and full of faith. He is committed and loves to help others and stands up for those who get made fun of. He is an acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch kind of guy, who knows just how and when to irritate his brothers and sisters. He is soft and gentle and loving and my constant reminder of God’s faithfulness. I am so grateful to get to share our birthday with this young man who woke up this morning as tall as me. Excuse the wrinkles and no make up, I was busy making triple chocolate waffles for him before school.
These are the verses I read this morning and I couldn’t not include them in this post. They summarize the gift that Aidan is to us and I never want to forget.
19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
20 My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
21 But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
God will carry us through those hard seasons, those sicknesses, those fears and pains, and failures. He is the God who turns around what the enemy means for our harm
…Aidan Titus means, “giant fire.” The night I drove my self to the hospital in agonizing pain, there was a giant fire growing inside of me, intended for my harm, but the God of all creation replaced it with another giant fire. One who shines brightly, one who loves deeply, and one who is becoming a man of greatness.